Wednesday, January 4, 2017
I've seen the Kansas of your sweet little myth.
Not that Kansas is particularly easy either. And certainly they have more rules. But I like to think that what we do up here is at least adequate in terms of the amount of pain it causes. And right on schedule, nigh 5 weeks out from Il Pantani 2017, it is time for me to address all of the questions that I've been getting, have gotten for years, and will hopefully continue to get until I either stop sending people on The Pantani Route, or die.
Most of these questions I've addressed in years past. In places like here, here, here, here, and even way back over here once upon a time. It always reminds me that we've been doing this for quite a while.
The first question, every year, is basically this: How Do I Sign Up?
Because people are used to doing that. Bikereg, active.com, etc - people pay to play these days, and that's worthy enough. But that's not how we do it here at Pantani HQ, mostly because Pantani HQ does not exist, nor does any kind of actual event that is any more significant than just a big group ride, because, for the record, that's all we're doing. Just a huge pile of jerks getting coming together for a ride. No reg. No waiver. No competition. No course marking. No support. No team car. No aid stations. No prizes. Nothing.
But with that said, there are, in an organic way, some of those things too. Just not officially.
So make sense of that if you must, but either way no one will be taking your money. 10 AM, the ride starts from The Paranormal Field, and it'll work itself out.
The other main question I get - after people wrap their minds around revolutionary concept that no one is going to be taking their money at the start line in exchange for pain - is basically this: What Do I Do?
And that question comes in various forms from, "what bike do I ride?" to "how do I follow the route?" to "what happens if a bear eats me?"
Those answers are all out there. You just have to find them in places like here, here, here, here, and even way back over here once upon a time. So give those a read next time you're taking a huge dump and can't stand to read even one more CNN World article about whatever global disaster we're all about to experience, and then report back here if you still don't get it, because if you don't, I can send you this photo of Todd humping the rooster at the bottom of Brokenback circa 2008 or so.
Because it explains so much.
Anyway, relax. If it helps your pucker factor any, know that I'm in phenomenally worse shape than you are right now, and I still think I can finish. So really, we can do this.
Everybody sing along like big jerks.
Up, up, up.