Monday, August 29, 2016



As you can see below, I'm already way ahead of you.
Might as well turn yourself in now.

David Tevendale:
Hey did you find pump?
Mark McCardell:
No. I went to the field to see if it was there
David Tevendale:
Do you have any suspects?
Gotta be someone you'd never expect.
I'd personally like to go ahead and blindly accuse Will Leet.
Mark McCardell:
Bill said he has seen this happen so many times with his boys. Some teen picks up an item and throw it in the hatchback and the parents are unaware. 
David Tevendale:
Trying to throw you off his trail.
That nogood sonofabitch.
Hes a great suspect.
He's got it all...motive, access, ability. I like where you're going with this.
Have you confronted him yet?  I think you should go in super hot.
Mark McCardell:
I should publicly shame him on Facebooks. 😂
David Tevendale:
Also, NED ORMSBY.  I'm not buying that whole niceguy act.
No one can possibly be that good.  I'm calling bs.
Also, also, CHARLIE ORMSBY.  accomplice or sole perpetrator?  
Did Ned cover it up to save his son?
Will he take the fall?
No way.  We will put the heat on him and he'll sing.
Facebook heat that is.
Mark McCardell:
Faceheat. Trademark it now. 
David Tevendale:
I just made that up.
It's the new waterboarding.  Ever since Obama ruined waterboarding.
OBAMA.  It was the POTUS!
This thing goes all the way to the top.
Mark McCardell:
Ok i almost pissed myself with the new waterboarding
David Tevendale:
Answer me this!  What reason did Obama have NOT to steal your pump?  
Mark McCardell:
That dude...shifty character if I ever saw one. 
David Tevendale:
I'd classify Shawn as a moderately strong suspect at this point.
Proximity, etc is easy.  But we might struggle to establish a motive.
But know this: no one is above the law.
I will leave no stone unturned.
I, for one, am sick and tired of the low caliber of people we have riding around here.
Mark McCardell:
        Steven Segal is above the law
David Tevendale:
Why the fuck would Steven Segal steal your pump?
Don't be an idiot.
I need you locked in here.
       Not just randomly accusing people.

Friday, August 26, 2016


Veloswap kicks off tomorrow.  9 AM, preston ave.

I've actually never been to Veloswap for the opening bell before.  Also, I've never witnessed a human crush.  So this is my big chance to check off two bucket list items in one morning, which will be saaa-weet.

I've got a mission from a relative, sharp elbows, and $1,000 cash to back it up.

So you can surf on over here to see a few photos of all the things I'm going to elbow my way in front of you for.  Enjoy that. 
Hydrate bitches.  Show up early.

But that's MY holeshot.

Up, up, up.

Wednesday, August 17, 2016

Why can't I just hate Floyd Landis?

Why can't I just hate Floyd Landis?

Because I don't.  But that doesn't make much sense.

This is a pretty average doper, cheater,  liar, in the same spirit as Lance Armstrong, Tom Danielson, Ryder Hesjedal, Tyler Hamilton, and on and on and on.  All cheaters. And somehow - Floyd is even worse - despite all of that - he's on the cusp of enormous financial gain because of his role in the whistleblower lawsuit against Lance Armstrong, as if he was only a tangential part of the problem when it was happening to USPS back in the early 2000s.  A victim.  A witness.

Plus, slap in the face number 7 or 8, I've lost count, Floyd went on to race MTB's in the 100 mile local scene after he got tossed from the Road, thus sullying the waters, once again, for honest guys like Jeremiah Bishop, Todd Wells, and other domestic pros who didn't take drugs and turn pro on the road back in the 90s.

And now he owns a headshop, funded, at least in part, by the Floyd Freedom Fund, which also turned out to be a farce.  If you donated to the FFF, do you at least get free pot when you're in Leadville? Pretty soon, the Federal Government will, despite their best intentions, play a large role in funding Floyd's drug store as well.

The irony of it all, Floyd.

No bullshit, your target market is the same people you cheated back in 2007 when you raced 100 mile MTB's after years of PED use and all of the implied, longterm benefits you gained from EPO, Testosterone, blood doping, and now you want sell them...drugs?

I don't see this working out, Floyd.  But somehow, still, here you are.  And more to the point, here WE are.  The same people you lied to and cheated.  We are buying your product, and we love your stoned, hillbilly smile.


One can ask this question on a larger scale of course...why do we, cycling fans, buy the brands founded by the same athletes who lied to us about how clean they were and then embarrassed us on a global stage?  See DZ nuts.  See also, Hincapie Sportswear.  I think the answer, if you can find it, probably gets right to the core of our complicated sentiments for the American riders who used drugs but also put cycling on the map for us.

Something about Floyd, though, I don't know.  Despite all the same transgressions, no one seems to despise him quite like they do Lance, or Ryder, or Tom Danielson.  Maybe it's the new look - some kind of fratboy, budweiser swilling, hillbilly harmless appeal, who is clearly stoned well past the point of giving a shit what we think about him.

Is he too stoned to realize that I want to dislike him but I can't?  Neither of us could explain why, I don't guess, but clearly I'm the only one that cares.

Eat the world, Floyd.

Up, Up, Up.

Friday, August 12, 2016

Harmony is restored to the Universe

C-ham, back on the bike.

The very small possibility of an achilles re-rupture notwithstanding, the world can now resume spinning in the right direction.  Basic shit can now be sorted out and dealt with.  Trump, for example, but also Russia, China, the Zika virus, and all the stuff on the top shelf in my kitchen that I can't reach.

Rest easy, world.  Things are going to be OK.

Go forth this weekend, but never lose sight of the simple, hard truth that it can all get popped out from under you in an instant.

Its a long road back, and it's all up, up, up.

Tuesday, August 9, 2016

Death Star

As if training for the Hundo wasn't challenging enough, sometimes you also have to FIND training for the Hundo.

Pack a lunch.  Gonna' be late.

Up, up, up.

Tuesday, August 2, 2016

Ryder Hesjedal to retire at the end of season

Good riddance.

I can't say I feel considerably better or worse about the whole situation. 

It's not all the money he stole that bothers me.  Not dollars, or loonies, or Euros, or Yen.
It's the dreams of honest people, no longer in circulation.

We can never go back, only up, up, up.