Wednesday, October 12, 2016

Paranormal Costume #389,114: Hoverbiker


Never mind, for the time being, the implications of this.  What such machines will mean for the bike industry, capitalism, road legality, trail access, trail building, shit - trails AT ALL.  Because who will need an actual trail when you don't really touch it anyway.

Never mind the fleeting concept of dirt jumps when technically EVERYTHING is a jump, with or without a man-made launchpad.
Never mind how exactly street legality will be assessed, and how much maintenance will be required, and whether there will be a single speed version.  Will we race them.  Will there need to be mens and womens divisions.  Will they have parachutes.

Never mind if there will be a fat-hover-bike.  Will there be an off road vs on-road set of product details?  Seat belts.  Will we wear the helmets that Luke and Leia wore in speeder chase scene in Return of The Jedi that sorta look like POC helmets anyway?

Never mind what sprinting will look like, or how much it will cost, sum total, when the pro hover bike peloton crashes in the nasty, reduced bunch, hover-sprint finale at Amstel Gold.  (Probably upwards of $1 billion.)

Death Star?  Do you even Enduro, brah?

Never mind all that for now.  Focus, for the time being, on what matters:
How are you going to costume yourself as any/all of the above for The Paranormal?

You've got 10 days.
But also, a whole lifetime.

Hoverbikes, too, go up up up.

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