Thursday, September 22, 2016

In Triplicate

The Paranormal ROLLS!
BikeReg, FaceBook, and whatever other social technology the kids are into these days are all live.

If you're new to this little scene, you're in for a treat.  If you're a 15-year Paranormal Veteran like Iron Mike Walling, here are a few things you might notice are different this year:

1)  There's a TRIO category.  That's right...not one, not two, but three of you can race as one team for the low low price of $100.  And conveniently, if you play your cards just right, start third, and plod around the course with a maximum amount of socializing, costume malfunctioning, and other mechancal failures, you might be able to get away with doing only a single lap.  It'll take commitment, but it's out there for the taking.

The flip side of that, for those super fast individuals who want to know just how many laps could be commenced in a 6 hour window, I think you might be able to log 9 laps total.  And Petrylak will still beat all 3 of you.  By himself.  Added bonus that if your light fails in the woods, you'll be letting down not one, but two of your friends, creating awkward exchanges with both of them for months to come.

2)  Firepower.  If you've been watching the bike news, you'll have seen many pros didn't get contracts for 2017, because, you know, that shit is dying or whatever.  But their loss is our gain, as maybe some of them (former champs, KOM holders, and the like) will turn up and throw down some fast laps with the dregs of the rest of us.  Which, they'll maybe realize, is way, way better anyway.  Welcome home, boys and girls.

3)  COW COSTUMES.  My hope is that this will be the year of the Cow Costume, in all it's various shapes, colors, sizes, and smells.  Does a steak costume count as a cow costume?  Get well soon, Dad, there's a contest to judge.

Oct 22, the gun goes off at 4 PM.

There's one way to the top, and it's up, up, up.

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