Monday, January 31, 2011

What Chris Eatough and Kev29er have in common - elite training regimens

Two-fer Tuesday out here at the rancho relaxo and I've got two words for you:

Night Ride, Bitches.

Be here at 6 PM on Thursday with your heartrate monitor turned off. Because, damn that Chris Eatough Coaching program, I say pinning it in February is the only way to win in July.
Although it looks like Chris could build you a mean website with bike part graphics in place of key letters if you need that.

In fact, let's take a moment here while we're on the subject of elite training rhetoric and examine the habits of what makes a real champion, 2nd place at Snotcycle over the weekend, Kev29er.

Sample 2 week Training Regimen, Winter 2011, Kev29er.

Monday: Gym day - Wake at 4:30 AM and do a couple hard hours at the gym. Circuit training: squats, bench, dangerously weighted pull-ups and dips, pelvic thrusts, repeat. no rest. heave. repeat. vomit. repeat. sweat a lot. cool down with more squats to failure. jump some rope for the hell of it on the way out.
Tuesday: Twofer Tuesday - another go at the gym, a la Monday's schedule, then 1 more hour on the trainer, late night, with only the company of sedentary golden retriever and Zombieland. Nut up or shut up.
Wednesday: rally outside day - a hard, overdressed, dehydrated, poorly fueled midday rally at noon to replicate the symptoms of hour number 7 of the SM100. See stars. Wonder what the overtraining fuss is all about.
Thursday: Three-fer Thursday. 2 hour gym session. Midday Rally. Trainer at night. Also, can be replaced by skipping work and putting in a 4 to 5 hour dirt road ride as long as more than 6,000 feet of climbing can happen. So options abound here.
Friday: Pre race tune up ride day - 1 hour of hard intervals and a cool down. Recklessly change entire bike set up, to include but not be limited to: swapping tires, changing saddle height, switching gear ratio, overtorqueing bolts, etc. Also, substantial dieting should occur on this day.
Saturday: Race day - Dominate. details not necessary here. Post race celebratory black and tans. Meat and eggs.
Sunday: Wake up groggy, dazed day - Unable to really talk. Fat tongue and hurty throat. Something not right. Maybe try to rest some? No, split firewood for an hour and try to shake it off. Cramp up sitting at the lunch table and then consider a nap.
Monday: Crushing, debilitating sickness day - Strep, upper respiratory infection, influenza, pneumonia. Hydrocephalus. Vicodin and couch. Watch Zombieland again and curse wasted day.
Tuesday: Still sick, maybe even worse day - Surf bike parts online. Find blue handlebar to match sexy blue seatpost collar. Work 16 hours from home. Suspect feeling better around 9 PM, so hit the trainer but pass out.
Curse wasted day.
Wednesday: Still feel badly, but turning the corner day - midday rally, slow with a lot of chest wheezing. cough up something green. Feel better. Nighttime trainer session. Body temperature reading, 107 F. Consider rest day tomorrow.
Thursday: Three-fer-thursday. Early Gym. 2 hours. See Previous Monday routine but also add jumpsquats to circuit. Midday rally, 1 hour. Feeling better. Cut evening workout short in order to get proper rest. Tinker with bike some more.
Friday: rest day. evening dedicated to copious fueling by adult liquid carbohydrates.
Saturday: Set singlespeed land-speed record up Flattop day - Self explanatory.
Sunday: Rest day - Decide on a night ride anyway, blue ridge school at 9 PM. Work on fastest lines for hucking and skidding the super d course. post-ride debate aerodynamic merits of blue handlebars while carbofueling with CHam until 11 PM.

There you have it. Success in action. The secret is out.
And, while we're on the subject, it should be known that you can emulate this regimen all you want. But unless you were building your own ramps and throwing down reckless 360's at the not-so-tender age of 16, you'll probably never be as good as Kev29er anyway.

Without further ado, and as promised, I present to you the flying blond mullet.

Sitting in your office alone, it's likely difficult to really wrap your mind around just how awesome this is. Rest assured, it is even more awesome than you think it is. I could offer substantial commentary here, but instead I'm opting to just let beauty speak for itself.

On to the weekend, the weather looks questionable. And in my book, questionable means rally. If you've got a hankering for some dirt, hit me. I'm nursing a little knee pain from sloppy singletrack stem bashing, but I'm likely good to go by Saturday.

And, lest we forget, next Sunday, February 13th, is the Marco Pantani Ride, now officially sanctioned by BRC. Secure the appropriate permissions, get a sitter, and assume the position. It's gonna be a good one.

Up, up, up.

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