Monday, December 20, 2010

Snow in your nose blows.

The rally-o-meter has hit an all-time high for December. It's been chilly enough to freeze the mud into a nice solid turf, but clear enough to warrant a rally just about every day. So that's been the status quo.

Saturday, I hit Billysburg for a nice long one with the mighty Ken Tank and crew. We had the trails to ourselves, a ribbon of luscious black pine soil through a sea of snow. Most excellent. So excellent in fact, that I didn't take a single picture in 5 hours of rallying, stop-sign sprinting, toe-freezing, icy bridge crashing, and other shenanigans. You can't have everything, I've been told.

But sometimes you can have a nice chunk of hydro-formed aluminum, with some machined bits attached.

Sometimes I'm amazed how a chunk of inanimate metal can be stuck to some other chunks of metal, placed haphazardly on some springs, strapped with rubber, and suddenly become a fun making MACHINE. The sum is so much greater than the parts, one can hardly conceive it's possible.

post fun. some black and white, and a little red. and a big pink tongue.

More details on that later. But speaking of fun, let's go to the mail bag.

From: Niner
To: Crew
RE: Snot cycle
40 days till the first race of 2011. Who is in?

First and foremost, sweet Jesus. Best case scenario, it's a snow race. Worst case, a mud fest and we lose a few good men in the holes. How does a person commit to something like that?
Answer: A steady training regimen of snow rides and muddin' it up whenever possible. Drivetrains be damned, count me in.

Let's move on.
From: Multiple parties
To: Me
Subject: hey, let's race that tough mudder thing.

hey, you seem like the kind of person who would enjoy racing through open flames, mudpits, and live electrical wires. Let's do this.

Video previews:

First and foremost, I'm not sure what it says about me that I've gotten no less than 4 invitations in the past 6 months to race one of these. This is likely a comment on my questionable judgement when it comes to exercise choices. The jury is still out here, but for the most part I prefer my poor exercise choices to be made in an enviroment where my skillset (lacking), fitness (also lacking) or positive attitude (likely not enough in this case) could bail me out. More than any other thing, Tough Mudder appears to require sheer toughness. Is that fun? Will test more.

Finally, back to the mailbag. Those of you who have dutifully followed the progression of my soap-opera with the good folks at Sherrill Tree (makers of the silky big boy 2000 folding saw, the most dangerous hand tool known to man) are likely giddy with anticipation to see what will unfold (worst pun ever) in our episode this week.

Those of you not in the know, let me quickly bring you up to speed:

Folding saw meets boy
Folding saw falls in love with boy
Boy sorta digs folding saw and thinks she's pretty hot.
Boy mistreats folding saw and breaks her heart on a nasty forked cedar.
Boy realizes what he's lost, begs forgiveness, promises he won't party like that anymore, and folding saw takes him back.
Boy breaks saw again, same way.
Boy begs forgiveness again...

If this sounds like dating in college to anyone else but me, thank you. I know where you get your disdain from now. For all others, you'll be ashamed to see what the mailbag reveals...

From: Sherrill Tree
To: Me, breaker of folding saw hearts
Subject: Your third broken sawblade in three months

If you're still in, I'm still in.
Silky Big Boy

Insert woebegone Tori Amos quotation here as autosignature.

It's almost sad, really. The new saw blade is to be delivered, naked, free of charge, this week. Odds of it surviving until January 1st, now taking bets at 148 to 1. They did, however, throw in a disclaimer that, if I break silky big boy again, I'm on my own. Hands down, the finest customer service I've ever abused. Thank you, Sherrill Tree. I promise to try to be a better man. STELLA!!!!

Last but not least, Thursday night is open house night at Blue Ridge Cyclery. Arrive after work. Those without dates will be assigned a partner for square dancing upon arrival, so don't let that hold you back. Leave before midnight, taking a cab as necessary. There's a facebook invitation, details on twitter, and now a blog post about it too.

Act like you know what's good for you.
But ride like you're completely misinformed.

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