Friday, October 19, 2018

The PARANORMAL. Saturday, 10.20. 4 PM.

The PARANORMAL is tomorrow.  10.20.  Race starts at 4 PM, but assholes without costumes will begin to be singled out by 3 PM for hazing and ridicule.  So if you're coming without, get there early, and prepare to be berated.

Also, the kids race is 3 PM.  ISH.  Because wrangling 30+ costumed delinquents on bikes is not easy or timely, so get those rascals there by 2 so we can stuff them full of candy and get them soaking wet in the creek first.

For the next 1.5 hours or so, you can still sign up online here.  After noon, no mas.  But we'll still take your money and provide you with a number and free beer on Saturday at your leisure.  So just know that we are here for you and we cherish your attendance, even if you are a disorganized piece of shit.

Someone asked me yesterday how long the course was.
And so I sent them this:

And then they asked me how long those laps will take them.  And I guessed: 1 hour per.

And then they asked how many of those laps would be during the day and how many at night (requiring lights) and, in a flash, I was transported back almost two decades to 2003 in the way that memory tends to suddenly, without warning, place you elsewhere.  And here's that memory:

In 2003, I caught a flight from Colorado to Virginia to come spend time with family and race The Paranormal.  This might have been the 2nd annual Paranormal  I'm honestly not sure of the year at this point, but I was in my early 20s.  Back then, the race was held at Panorama farms, but the format was pretty much the same - costumes, 4 pm start, 1 hour laps, etc.
And so I lined up at 4 PM for my very first paranormal, but there was a delay of some kind.  Maybe rain?  Maybe just inefficiency.  But, whatever the cause, it was an overcast, grey evening, and the race didn't actually start until almost 5 PM.  I did 1 lap, came through the transition, got back into the woods for lap 2, and it was pitch dark.
So my plan of 3 day laps and 3 night laps suddenly became 1 day lap and 5 night laps.  Which, back then, was a huge problem because a) lights really sucked back then and b) this was v-brake, hardtail, 26er era.  2.1 inch tires - I was running the legendary smoke and dart combo for those that know what that is - pumped up to 50 PSI so you didn't pinch flat on the wet roots.  It was recipe for disaster.  Around 9 PM, on my last lap, there were probably 10 racers on the course whose lights had burned out and were just fumbling around out there with pin lights trying to find their way out of the woods.  That's just what night riding was back then.  Anything over an hour was asking for trouble, and 5 hours of night racing was a bridge way, way too far.  Somehow, my lights kept it together, but my legs did not, and I, too, barely made it out of those woods in one piece.

So, back to reality, 2018 and the race is tomorrow, and you want to know how many night laps it'll be?
I will just lie to you the same way I lied to my 23 year old self:
Three.  1 hour each.  Easy as that.

Hope to see you there, kid.
Up, up, up.

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