Monday, May 23, 2016

Ark Jokes

 25 days in a row with measurable rainfall?  More?  Less?  Did we get a break in the weather somewhere along the way, a day of sunshine I can't remember?

You know it's been raining for too long when people STOP making Ark jokes.  Because at first all of those ark jokes are funny enough, like the one about Wadsworth and his matching new Pivots, ready to march them two-by-two onto the ark and float away to start life again.
Because obviously if there's a chosen one, it's Qwadsworth.  
But eventually ark jokes are like dick jokes; a little too personal, and they make us uncomfortable because, shit, this one might actually be on us.  So we laugh uncomfortably, change the subject, and try to move on - we stop making those jokes ourselves.  And still, it keeps raining.

Genesis books 6 - 9: The Great Flood.  If you need to brush up on that, you can get a quick refresher here:

Basically, it goes like this: God is sick and tired of our shit, our over-reliance on social media, Trump, and the current state of Democratic Sexual Underperformance in Congress.  So he picks one dude (Qwadsworth), tells him to load up the boat, buy some extra chainlube because it's going to be muddy for a while, and then he smites the Earth with a flood that wipes out all of mankind.

Stevie Smith.
C-ham's Achilles Tendon.

That list goes on and on.  Like any horror movie worth watching, not everybody makes it.

Then, the sun comes back out, Qwdasworth lands at Mount Ararat, the flood waters recede, and he gets back to work re-propogating the species and fucking pinning it.  Notably, Mount Ararat is the high ground, so this whole re-creation myth is actually functioning sort of like a shuttle run, and presumably our hero, the future of mankind, had the foresight to pack his big bike, and he points it downhill for a shred first.

"Let's take it from the top," I imagine Qwads-Noah saying.  Because the trails are dryer up here on the ridgeline.  Holy shit that's a lot of water.

If you laughed at this Ark Joke, take notice: you laughed at Trump too, didn't you.

Two by two, folks.  Nice and orderly now.
Up, up, up.


  1. Barnabas.
    Stevie Smith.
    C-ham's Achilles Tendon.

    Don't forget Dave Mirra. These things come in fives.