That time a Bear almost ate Scanlon

Remember that time Scanlon almost ran headlong into a bear while riding the luscious remnants of the Paranormal loop?

Of course you don't.  You weren't there.  No one was, except for Scanlon and the bear, and even they probably don't really know how close they came.

But, it was almost awesome.  And I have photos. With date and time stamps.

If Scanlon had been running 3 hours and 40 minutes late that day, this could have been awesome.  In a parallel universe, he WAS running that late, and there was a man vs. nature battle scene that unfolded like something out of The Revenant.


"That bike was all I HAD."

And if that doesn't make you want to go for a long ride in the wilds of the Northside territory this Sunday with a bunch of dudes who sort of care about your well being, but not really, then don't show up for the Fall Classic.  But if the adventure of it all stirs you, and you don't already know about the Classic, then inquire within.

Either way, watch your six.  

Up, up, up.

Paranormal Results

Paranormal results below.

Again, thanks for coming out and helping rip in the new track.  And the lost and found is absolutely overflowing, so get in touch if you left with less clothing than you started.

I was 95% wrong with my annual paranormal predictions, as usual.  But a couple of things I was right  about:
1) Betting against Petrylak is a bad move.  Even if you were, say, a team of five, which we don't allow anyway.   But if we did, he would have his way with you.  All five of you.  
2) Richard Serton is, indeed, fast.  Perhaps the newest, fastest guy in town.  His partner though, damn...

Without further ado...

                   Paranormal 6 Hours Mountain Bike Race

                      Presented by Blue Ridge Cyclery

                Results by: Bad to the Bone Timing      

                           www.badtothebone.biz

                    Timed with MyLaps Bib tag systems

                    e-mail: francesca@badtothebone.biz



 =========================================================================

            ***** Official Paranormal Results by LAP time*****

 =========================================================================





Place No.  Name                Laps Nettime S Age Team                        

===== ==== =================== ==== ======= = === =========================

    1  465 John Petrylak          7 5:59:57   1:   47:56   47:56   2:   47:01 1:34:57

                                              3:   48:16 2:23:12   4:   51:58 3:15:09

                                              5:   54:03 4:09:12   6:   55:03 5:04:15

                                              7:   55:42 5:59:57 M  36 Bike Facory Elite        

    2  453 Carroll Hea Thumel     7 6:03:41   1:   46:23   46:23   2:   54:41 1:41:04

                                              3:   44:58 2:26:02   4: 1:00:39 3:26:40

                                              5:   48:03 4:14:42   6: 1:01:51 5:16:33

                                              7:   47:09 6:03:41 M  55 The Avengers            

    3  461 Matt Jerico Kesecke    7 6:24:18   1:   51:31   51:31   2:   49:34 1:41:04

                                              3:   53:24 2:34:28   4:   54:54 3:29:21

                                              5:   57:04 4:26:25   6:   57:18 5:23:43

                                              7: 1:00:35 6:24:18 M  40 Fambo                    

    4  487 Jeff Sam Hackett Li    7 6:30:19   1:   50:17   50:17   2:   48:19 1:38:36

                                              3:   53:04 2:31:40   4:   49:58 3:21:38

                                              5:   58:28 4:20:05   6:   52:32 5:12:36

                                              7: 1:17:43 6:30:19 M  41 FOOF B                  

    5  450 Will Richar Leet Se    6 5:32:24   1:   49:56   49:56   2:   59:55 1:49:51

                                              3:   47:42 2:37:32   4: 1:03:48 3:41:19

                                              5:   54:13 4:35:31   6:   56:53 5:32:24 M  25 X-Wing Fighters          

    6  438 Joseph Hoskins         6 5:38:59   1:   50:17   50:17   2:   50:36 1:40:52

                                              3:   56:11 2:37:02   4:   59:55 3:36:57

                                              5: 1:02:56 4:39:52   6:   59:07 5:38:59 M  48 Cutaway Girls MTB Team  

    7  424 Geoff Keenan           6 5:41:09   1:   56:55   56:55   2:   53:09 1:50:03

                                              3:   55:31 2:45:34   4:   57:23 3:42:57

                                              5:   59:19 4:42:15   6:   58:55 5:41:09 M  40 Geoff                    

    8  419 Lorenzo Mat Batti P    6 5:41:45   1:   55:24   55:24   2:   56:56 1:52:19

                                              3:   59:02 2:51:20   4:   51:11 3:42:31

                                              5:   55:11 4:37:42   6: 1:04:04 5:41:45 M  34 We're back              

    9  456 Gordon Davies          6 5:42:16   1:   56:36   56:36   2:   51:32 1:48:08

                                              3:   55:33 2:43:40   4:   57:24 3:41:04

                                              5:   59:10 4:40:13   6: 1:02:04 5:42:16 M  48 Eleven Madison Park      

   10  458 Joe Perpetua           6 5:46:18   1:   53:41   53:41   2:   52:14 1:45:55

                                              3:   58:42 2:44:36   4:   55:49 3:40:25

                                              5: 1:01:21 4:41:45   6: 1:04:33 5:46:18 M  34 Eggsalad                

   11  441 Austin Hershberger     6 5:47:04   1:   53:41   53:41   2:   52:46 1:46:26

                                              3:   54:56 2:41:22   4:   59:10 3:40:32

                                              5: 1:02:35 4:43:06   6: 1:03:59 5:47:04 M  30 Dire Wolf Racing        

   12  421 Brad Fiala             6 5:52:53   1:   56:48   56:48   2:   51:25 1:48:13

                                              3:   53:23 2:41:36   4:   59:43 3:41:19

                                              5: 1:05:58 4:47:16   6: 1:05:38 5:52:53 M  34 Brad                    

   13  440 Quinn Hershberger      6 6:20:12   1:   58:11   58:11   2:   58:33 1:56:43

                                              3:   58:41 2:55:24   4: 1:11:32 4:06:55

                                              5: 1:07:17 5:14:12   6: 1:06:01 6:20:12 M  30 Dire Wolf Racing        

   14  446 Dave Sue Lachinet G    6 6:31:06   1:   47:47   47:47   2:   55:35 1:43:22

                                              3: 1:05:36 2:48:57   4: 1:25:54 4:14:51

                                              5: 1:08:26 5:23:16   6: 1:07:50 6:31:06 M  40 Shenandoah Yoga          

   15  430 Danny Frizzell         6 6:31:33   1:   58:11   58:11   2: 1:01:01 1:59:11

                                              3: 1:05:36 3:04:47   4: 1:09:18 4:14:05

                                              5: 1:09:54 5:23:59   6: 1:07:35 6:31:33 M  30 Doug                    

   16  452 Ron Julie Tash Thum    6 6:51:04   1:   58:43   58:43   2: 1:09:12 2:07:55

                                              3: 1:00:58 3:08:52   4: 1:13:28 4:22:19

                                              5: 1:08:56 5:31:15   6: 1:19:50 6:51:04 M  46 The Meagans              

   17  423 John Chris Compton     5 4:39:10   1:   56:15   56:15   2:   47:48 1:44:02

                                              3:   52:33 2:36:34   4:   56:37 3:33:11

                                              5: 1:06:00 4:39:10 M  38 No Action Required      

   18  473 Bill Mark Scanlon M    5 5:01:31   1:   58:09   58:09   2:   53:11 1:51:20

                                              3: 1:07:11 2:58:30   4:   57:58 3:56:27

                                              5: 1:05:05 5:01:31 M  47 Brother from Another Mom

   19  463 Dave Hardiski          5 5:41:58   1: 1:00:54 1:00:54   2: 1:00:42 2:01:36

                                              3: 1:12:14 3:13:49   4: 1:12:23 4:26:12

                                              5: 1:15:46 5:41:58 M  43 design Physics Racing    

   20  431 Erik Born              5 5:45:35   1: 1:03:29 1:03:29   2: 1:05:35 2:09:03

                                              3: 1:08:25 3:17:28   4: 1:17:09 4:34:36

                                              5: 1:11:00 5:45:35 M  27 Woodberry Foerst School  

   21  435 Laura Maple            5 6:00:47   1: 1:00:13 1:00:13   2: 1:07:51 2:08:03

                                              3: 1:15:32 3:23:35   4: 1:22:00 4:45:35

                                              5: 1:15:12 6:00:47 F  30 Fambe                    

   22  469 Robin Jessi Cliffor    5 6:10:31   1:   58:45   58:45   2: 1:21:07 2:19:51

                                              3: 1:01:10 3:21:01   4: 1:44:14 5:05:14

                                              5: 1:05:17 6:10:31 F  44 Dire Wolf Racing        

   23  472 Jason Amand Selong     5 6:23:35   1: 1:13:55 1:13:55   2: 1:01:27 2:15:21

                                              3: 1:12:58 3:28:18   4: 1:19:50 4:48:07

                                              5: 1:35:29 6:23:35 M  42 Ghouls just wanna have fu

   24  460 Carson Loga Jones-W    4 3:47:00   1:   58:25   58:25   2: 1:10:49 2:09:14

                                              3: 1:09:09 3:18:22   4:   28:38 3:47:00 M  15 Tandem Friends          

   25  468 Pat Chris Norton Ho    4 3:52:02   1:   54:09   54:09   2:   57:53 1:52:02

                                              3: 1:04:41 2:56:42   4:   55:20 3:52:02 M  40 Capt'n & PNizzle        

   26  437 David Rick Sanders     4 3:54:07   1:   55:41   55:41   2:   54:58 1:50:39

                                              3: 1:00:11 2:50:49   4: 1:03:18 3:54:07 M  39 Saddleblock Skeleton Crew

   27  464 Gordon Char Wadswor    4 3:54:44   1:   50:17   50:17   2:   54:14 1:44:30

                                              3:   53:45 2:38:15   4: 1:16:30 3:54:44 M  40 Super Friends            

   28  478 Jason Grigg            4 4:00:49   1:   55:27   55:27   2:   58:01 1:53:28

                                              3: 1:01:46 2:55:13   4: 1:05:37 4:00:49 M  41 Blue Ridge cyclery Racing

   29  427 Alan John Bewley Re    4 4:08:35   1: 1:08:19 1:08:19   2:   52:39 2:00:57

                                              3: 1:07:22 3:08:19   4: 1:00:16 4:08:35 M  43 Villan & Mad Max        

   30  483 Chris Kyle Little      4 4:16:36   1:   59:56   59:56   2: 1:00:39 2:00:35

                                              3: 1:00:03 3:00:37   4: 1:15:59 4:16:36 M  39 Juan Hernandez Lopez    

   31  481 Bridg Chet Graves M    4 4:19:43   1: 1:07:02 1:07:02   2:   58:09 2:05:11

                                              3: 1:10:21 3:15:32   4: 1:04:11 4:19:43 M  30 Bold & Beautiful        

   32  479 Barb Jon Ciambotti     4 4:23:36   1: 1:10:54 1:10:54   2: 1:19:33 2:30:26

                                              3:   55:19 3:25:44   4:   57:52 4:23:36 M  48 whatever                

   33  475 Dave Shanno Tevenda    4 4:30:13   1:   47:47   47:47   2: 1:04:58 1:52:44

                                              3: 1:05:37 2:58:20   4: 1:31:53 4:30:13 M  30 Superman and Wonderwoman

   34  490 Nick Roger Shelton     4 4:37:16   1: 1:05:31 1:05:31   2: 1:03:24 2:08:55

                                              3: 1:13:10 3:22:05   4: 1:15:12 4:37:16 M  59 Pirates look at 112      

   35  462 Derek Jenny Hass Wh    4 4:41:33   1: 1:12:27 1:12:27   2: 1:01:23 2:13:50

                                              3: 1:18:08 3:31:58   4: 1:09:36 4:41:33 M  44 KI No SS                

   36  454 Craig Volentine        4 4:44:11   1: 1:08:01 1:08:01   2: 1:18:42 2:26:42

                                              3: 1:08:32 3:35:14   4: 1:08:57 4:44:11 M  43 Craig                    

   37  448 Sydney Coll Compton    4 4:47:45   1: 1:00:27 1:00:27   2: 1:02:57 2:03:24

                                              3: 1:10:20 3:13:44   4: 1:34:02 4:47:45 F  30 Sydney Colleen          

   38  489 Barrett Wussykat       4 4:54:41   1:   56:03   56:03   2: 1:00:31 1:56:33

                                              3: 1:29:18 3:25:51   4: 1:28:50 4:54:41 M  40 RVA Racing              

   39  457 Ben Shannon Budd Hi    4 4:57:46   1: 1:59:49 1:59:49   2:   52:51 2:52:39

                                              3: 1:08:38 4:01:17   4:   56:29 4:57:46 M  31 Mole Hill Bikers        

   40  434 Ben Faust              4 4:58:45   1: 1:02:19 1:02:19   2: 1:01:12 2:03:30

                                              3: 1:16:08 3:19:38   4: 1:39:07 4:58:45 M  30 FAMBE                    

   41  484 Neil Laura Richards    4 5:01:10   1: 1:13:34 1:13:34   2: 1:01:43 2:15:17

                                              3: 1:31:02 3:46:19   4: 1:14:51 5:01:10 M  46 Family Guy and Gal      

   42  471 Andrew Collins         4 5:07:50   1: 1:04:21 1:04:21   2: 1:03:26 2:07:46

                                              3: 1:21:35 3:29:20   4: 1:38:30 5:07:50 M  40 Blue Ridge Cyclery Racing

   43  485 Lynn Childers          4 5:31:05   1: 1:12:25 1:12:25   2: 1:17:31 2:29:55

                                              3: 1:30:56 4:00:50   4: 1:30:15 5:31:05 F  30 Lynn                    

   44  451 Mary Paige Soverns     4 5:33:55   1: 1:15:54 1:15:54   2: 1:22:27 2:38:21

                                              3: 1:27:23 4:05:44   4: 1:28:12 5:33:55 F  56 I want a Puppy          

   45  486 Deborah White          4 5:48:13   1: 1:13:53 1:13:53   2: 1:18:12 2:32:04

                                              3: 1:30:00 4:02:04   4: 1:46:10 5:48:13 F  50 CAMBO                    

   46  433 Lynn Faust             4 5:53:29   1: 1:19:18 1:19:18   2: 1:21:41 2:40:59

                                              3: 1:32:16 4:13:14   4: 1:40:16 5:53:29 F  30 FAMBF                    

   47  488 Brian Larson           4 5:56:04   1:   58:41   58:41   2: 1:12:38 2:11:18

                                              3: 1:27:00 3:38:17   4: 2:17:48 5:56:04 M  48 Bike Stop Warrenton      

   48  447 Ruben John Guerra H    4 6:33:07   1: 1:09:04 1:09:04   2:   57:33 2:06:37

                                              3: 2:29:57 4:36:33   4: 1:56:35 6:33:07 M  44 Malucos                  

   49  470 David Millen           3 3:20:52   1: 1:02:22 1:02:22   2:   57:00 1:59:21

                                              3: 1:21:32 3:20:52 M  52 David                    

   50  418 Andrew Copland         3 3:21:34   1:   56:33   56:33   2: 1:01:16 1:57:48

                                              3: 1:23:47 3:21:34 M  35 Andrew                  

  10/18/2015 11:22AM

                                                                      Page 2

                   Paranormal 6 Hours Mountain Bike Race

                      Presented by Blue Ridge Cyclery

                Results by: Bad to the Bone Timing      

                           www.badtothebone.biz

                    Timed with MyLaps Bib tag systems

                    e-mail: francesca@badtothebone.biz



 =========================================================================

            ***** Official Paranormal Results by LAP time*****

 =========================================================================





Place No.  Name                Laps Nettime S Age Team                        

===== ==== =================== ==== ======= = === =========================

   51  480 Ryan Jac Little Com    3 3:31:09   1: 1:06:59 1:06:59   2: 1:11:39 2:18:37

                                              3: 1:12:32 3:31:09 M  20 Ryan Jac                

   52  439 Eli Boots Shifflet     3 3:50:39   1: 1:12:57 1:12:57   2: 1:18:40 2:31:36

                                              3: 1:19:03 3:50:39 M  30 mad Scientist and Sam hil

   53  444 Robert Eiserman        3 3:54:33   1: 1:07:30 1:07:30   2: 1:24:01 2:31:30

                                              3: 1:23:03 3:54:33 M  55 CAMBO Racing            

   54  426 Ellen Ramsey           3 5:48:35   1: 1:38:36 1:38:36   2: 2:18:38 3:57:14

                                              3: 1:51:22 5:48:35 F  46 Blue Ridge Cyclery Racing

   55  459 Mike Runnels           2 2:02:19   1: 1:13:49 1:13:49   2:   48:30 2:02:19 M  40 Runnels of Blood        

   56  466 Joe White              2 2:19:32   1: 1:10:05 1:10:05   2: 1:09:27 2:19:32 M  48 Blue Ridge Cyclery Racing

   57  436 Rob Maple              2 2:26:15   1: 1:07:15 1:07:15   2: 1:19:00 2:26:15 M  30 FAMBE                    

   58  477 Stephanie Blanch       2 2:47:08   1: 1:13:57 1:13:57   2: 1:33:12 2:47:08 F  38 Blue Ridge Cyclery Racing

   59  474 James Hansen           2 2:47:10   1: 1:12:32 1:12:32   2: 1:34:39 2:47:10 M  38 CAMBC                    

   60  467 Elvira Rach Hoskins    2 2:56:33   1: 1:41:30 1:41:30   2: 1:15:04 2:56:33 F  45 Lush Ladies              

   61  420 Kelly Andy Block       2 3:02:30   1: 1:34:55 1:34:55   2: 1:27:35 3:02:30 F  30 Team Block              

   62  476 Jeff Taylor            2 3:13:31   1: 1:19:26 1:19:26   2: 1:54:06 3:13:31 M  39 Jeff                    

   63  425 Eric Noah Magnum Bu    2 3:19:06   1: 2:19:49 2:19:49   2:   59:17 3:19:06 M  55 FOOF B                  

   64  455 Shaun De Vane          2 3:25:59   1: 1:38:58 1:38:58   2: 1:47:02 3:25:59 M  37 Shaun                    

   65  428 Scott Ramsey           2 4:14:44   1: 1:00:01 1:00:01   2: 3:14:44 4:14:44 M  47 Blue Ridge Factory Racing

   66  445 Kristin Lesecker       2 4:19:43   1: 1:30:45 1:30:45   2: 2:48:58 4:19:43 F  30 CAMBO                    

   67  449 Annette Dusenbury      2 4:30:07   1: 1:38:40 1:38:40   2: 2:51:28 4:30:07 F  40 Annette                  

   68  482 Arlene Little          2 4:30:11   1: 1:38:42 1:38:42   2: 2:51:30 4:30:11 F  30 Voluntter and Rescue    

   69  422 Rich Morrison          1 1:06:51   1: 1:06:51 1:06:51 M  40 Barbie Dream Girl        

   70  442 Sierra Carvajal        1 1:19:09   1: 1:19:09 1:19:09 F  35 Dire Wolf Racing        

   71  429 Kristin Frizzell       1 1:25:27   1: 1:25:27 1:25:27 F  30 Kristin                  

   72  491 Brandon Cox            1 1:32:24   1: 1:32:24 1:32:24 M  40 Dire Wolf Racing        

   73  432 Kate Steveq Lucas R    1 1:45:26   1: 1:45:26 1:45:26 M  30 TRI to be normal        

   74  500 Jasper Cart Ramsey     1 3:11:30   1: 3:11:30 3:11:30 M  15 BRC JR                  

  10/18/2015 11:22AM

The Official Paranormal Predictions

Well ,Well, Well.

Here we are.  Paranormal eve, and you signed up, and here you are looking to see if you made the official (yet remarkably unofficial) annual paranormal predictions.  I liken this to Chris Scott's annual pre-SM100 email, though on a remarkably smaller scale of course, and dressed as a prostitute.

So let's get into it without delay, shall we...

First things first.  This:

 Imagine my surprise to wake up this morning, check the ol' MyPhone, and see that Marky Mark not only 1) stole my Paranormal 2015 lap KOM, but 2) will be seeing the "doctor" today at 3 PM.  Doctor EPO, I presume, given this very suspect performance.  That slimy fuck.

Naturally, I called him out on it, via text message of course because that's how we communicate because when I actually see him in person I'm usually too busy dropping him like a floppy banana peel to speak with him... but anyway, he sent me this in response:

]

Which, I suppose, naturally brings me to the Duo Male Paranormal predictions.

(You can see all the pre-registered has-beens and wanna-be's here.)

Under normal circumstances, it'd be an easy pick for Men's Duo to say Hackett and Lindblom are the duo MALE team to beat.  But as you can see, over here, they registered as Duo Coed, probably because Sam absolutely threw down an 8:40-something at the SM100 and effectively made Hackett his bitch.  And anyway, given the Richard Serton/Will Leet level of power, it'd be an oversight to select Sam/Hackett for Duo Male victory, even if they were both registered as such.  

You heard me...Will Leet.

"Do these plus sized tires make my ass look big?"

So there's my pick for Men's Duo.  Serton/Leet.  I've ridden with Richard exactly once (on the road), and the Paranormal will be Will's 2nd mountain bike ride ever, but sometimes power is just power (plus, I understand that Will Leet will be using The Force.)  I see 9 laps taking it.  This is, of course, omitting the auspicious and very rumored attendance of Gordon Wadsworth who claims to be in route and Charlie Ormsby.  Because they aren't signed up, and until you're actually in the 22936, you don't count.  Losers.  

Co-ed Duo...tough call.  I'd like to pick my wife and myself, I really would.  But I've done so much trailwork the past few days that I can barely type.  So unless Shannon is planning on riding 5 laps, or holding my handlebars for me, or sticking it to Sam/Hackett in a sprint finish while I sit around the drink beer, then I think they can take us.  So there it is: Lindblom/Hackett for Duo Co-ed victory, getting in a respectable 6 laps before they call it quits and hit the kegs.  

Duo-Women?  There are 6 women registered there, none of which I've ever seen ride a bike.  However, I presume Jessica Coco is related to Mike Coco in some way, and Mike Coco rode a singlespeed geared 34X17 at the Giro D'Ville for 4 entire days, plus he drinks the High Life.  So my pick, as you can imagine, is anyone related to Mike Coco plus her teammate.  

The father son stuff is all over the map.  Unless we're carding these people to check their ages, I think both categories will have to get lumped together, and they'll be beaten down by the Hoys anyway, who aren't actually register just yet, but who I presume will become so on race day.  Look, Hoys, you can't ghost-in under the radar when you're a two (three?) time winner of the category.  I know that you know that I know that they all know you'll be there, and you'll be ready to fight.  Good?  Good.  

Solo female looked like a free ride to the podium for a few days there, but then Sue George signed up.  Sue George.  Rocktown.  Cyclingnews.com columnist and all-around do-gooder member of the bike community on both sides of the mountain.  I suppose Sierra might give her a run for her money, and I did witness Sierra finish the death march that the Chimney Challenge turned into this year without too much fuss.  So I dunno, toss up.  Hopefully they will at least battle it out.  Sort of an East Side vs. West Side thing.  

Which brings us to Solo Male.  

Damn.  This category was a mess even before Ian Spivack signed up as a dangerman for the W.  And it's hard to pick against Petrylak, and generally speaking I only do that when Kurland is coming (is Kurland coming?)  But this year, I'm going out on a limb, selecting a dark horse, my boy, and former teammate from COLLEGE mind you, Brad Fiala.  Because Brad is good at absolutely EVERYTHING, and cycling has turned out to be no different.  8:20 at SM100, committed to the hardtail for the whole effort, and scared of pretty much no one.  That's my guy.  8 laps?  I do think so.  

So there you have it.  Pretty much official, though I will say that there were registrations rolling in even as I was typing that, so the talent level of all fields is certainly not set.  Look, I can only work with what I have.  I don't make the rules.  Well, that's not true, I do make the rules.  But I stand by them, and I think they're fair.  

Anyway, show up, have fun, and try not to get yourself hurt. 

See you tomorrow.  

Up, up, up.  

The Paranormal Paranormal

The Paranormal is coming.
Climb aboard if you, too, are scared of getting older in the snow.

Oh man, I love that version of Ghost Train.  Because what's more haunting than Ghost Train played live at the end of a 3 hour set, just pouring sweat and beer, in a barn in some godforsaken corner of Iowa, filmed in black and white and fog, scared to death, and getting old.  Brilliant.  You can actually see the full show here if you dig it like I do:
https://youtu.be/D38QF6-mhnI

Annnnnd, on to the Paranormal.  Let me deal with the most pressing issue first before getting into the nitty gritty.  And so here that is, and don't worry - I already told Marky Mark, who is in charge of beer, NOT to get Boxcarr this year.  I don't quite understand how you fuck up such an amazing beer - a memento and an important component of fall itself - in such a large scale and total manner.  But they did.  And so we won't be having any of it.  Again, I don't understand what the fuck happened.  But don't worry, it won't happen here.

With that out of the way (and thank you to the multitude of fine, concerned, halfway drunk citizens among you who took the time out of your busy day to text message me, email me, call me, and make absolutely sure I knew about the goddamn and complete travesty that is 2015 Boxcarr so that you wouldn't be forced to drink, free subpar beer at the Paranormal) let's talk about the fractional balance of the equation, which is the actual bikes part.

The Paranormal this year is going to be pretty massive, in more ways than one.
1)  There is a Trek Demo, kicking off a 10 AM here at the rancho relaxo.  The trails are downright pimped, all the bridges are back in place, and my wife - for the first time in her young life - has bike lust.  I'm so proud of her.  And Trek.  And VISA for that matter.  I reckon we will be an 8 Trek household by Monday or so.  What can I say - those creeps can roll.

2)  CAMBC's take a kid mountain biking day - or TAKMBD for (sort of) short.  Kicks off at noon.  Same location.  Same trails.  The weatherfella' says it'll be 60 degrees and sunrays all day on Saturday.  Or at least until dusk or so, when the going gets good, as it always does.  Enjoy, lil' rippers.

3)  The course itself.  Every good thing must evolve.  And evolution in this case means bigger and better.  This year, it's a full 8 mile lap that'll cost the common man about an hour of his life that he'll never get back.  Plan on throwing a few of those hours away - it's that good.  Also, the transition is about a mile away from past years - this time right off of Markwood rd across from Claymont subdivision.  It's a huge start/transition area, plenty of room to get rowdy.  Bring Your Own Fire Pit (BYOFP.)

4)  Will Leet on a mountain bike.  For those of you that know Will, I don't have to explain this.  Those that don't, imagine for a moment the kind of power that Tom Boonen puts out in a sprint, but then put him on a mountain bike (which he has never ridden), on wet roots (which he doesn't understand), in the dark (in which he can't see, of course), and in a costume that is impairing his ability to ride (which was questionable already.)    It's like watching an adolescent giraffe try to fuck a wet football.  This level of power/disaster will make even Lorenzo riding a mountain bike look like Swan Lake.  Give that kid a little space in the turns if you know what's good for you.

I don't always ride mountain bikes.  But when I do...

Yet, with all of the change, there are constants by which The Paranormal must operate to remain The Paranormal, and as a co-host of this revelry, I consider myself sort of a guardian of these commandments:
1)  Free Beer.  Covered.  See above.  We got it.  Try to settle down about this.
2)  Classic Paranormal Trail  Worry not - we added a ton of action this year, and the trails we added are the best of the best, but there are still plenty of classic paranormal moves - sketchy root gardens, sketchier drops into the creek,  wide open bermed loamy downhills - to make sure you know that you're still racing The Paranormal.
3)  Costumes.  The time bonus for costumed riders remains intact, as it always will.  Costumed riders get to start early, and non-costumed sourpusses have to watch them ride away and wait their turn and regret not being one of the cool kids.

I use the term "cool kids" with considerable pause

4) Pre Rides - As always, you have the opportunity to preview a lap of the course well beforehand, get the lay of the land, contemplate what it might feel like to do 8 or 9 or those to yourself.  Those previews are Monday at 8 PM (ladies only, via the CAMBC ladies group on Big Blue), Tuesday at 6 PM, Thursday at 6 PM, and pretty much all day Saturday.

5) Camping - Free.  Primitive.  Rad.  On the course.  Wake up on Sunday with a skeleton on top of you, in a remarkable amount of post-ride-post-party pain, with Ma' Nature in all of her naked splendor a simple a zip of the tent flap (or not) away.  

In summary, this might be a paranormal sort of Paranormal, but I'm of the opinion that Parnormality is a good thing, and thus, I implore you to get your costume ready, your bike dialed, your shit together, and your registration in by close of bidness on Thursday so I can consider your participation in my annual, mostly-worthless-yet-somehow-compelling prediction of how the race (and non-race) will shake out.  

Only way to play along is to sign up, up, up.

Because triathlon

Remember that time Bouber was crushing triathlon world championships in Italy, out on the bike course, and he was savagely attacked by Alligators?

JEEZUS.

I've shot deer that died that didn't look that bad.

On the plus side, though, I imagine Tommy B got to sample the elaborate healthcare system provided by the the nation of Italy.  Or his wife gave him a bottle of Grapa to drink, then hit him in the back of the head with the empty, stitched that thing up to proper Belgian standards.  Either way, there's a story there.

Feel better, TB.
Heal up, up, up.