What-What. What. WHAT? The PARANORMAL is Saturday, 10/19.

You can't give the details without first describing the spirit.  And that spirit is THIS:


Oh that first 25 seconds.  When our universe starts to sink a little low in the sky, it puts me back together every time.

So, too, does the first couple hours of The Paranormal.  There's nothing quite like watching 150 costume-clad, entirely uncomposed, bike freaks race and talk trash at 115% threshold.

Veteran Piece of Advice #1: Above all else, go out HOT.  

Then, it all kinda descends into chaos, and racers fold like napkins.  And that's fun too.  Some would say MORE fun.


Whichever you prefer - the racing, the folding, or the general carousing - The Paranormal will go LIVE on Saturday 10/19 at 4 PM right on the lipsticked kisser.  That does not mean, however, that you should show up at 3:45, half-drunk, shirtless, and try to get your number and get to the start line whilst referring to your semi-nudity as a "costume."  No indeed, Veteran Piece of Advice #2 - get there EARLY, and then do all of those other things, and you'll fit right in.

That reminds me of Veteran Piece of Advice #2.5 - Expose your children to this shit.  Though sort of counterintuitive, Kids LOVE Halloween, and they love the Paranormal just the same.  Candy, hillybilly wooden stunts, shredding, and wide open grom-racing to be had from about 2 PM until...well past their bedtimes.  

One must also Veteran Piece of Advice #3 - REGISTER.  Deadline for registration is Thursday, October 17th at 5 PM, which just so happens to be Shawn's 65th birthday.  So think of your cash-entry as a nice little gift to distract him from his zombie-like decrepitness.  Also, just a side note about pre-registration, you people are the absolute worst at this.  Every year, 15 pre-registrants turns out to be 150+ actual racers.  Hey 10%ers: you complete me.  The rest of you should be sealed in a barrel and fired into the sun.

Which brings me to Veteran Piece of Advice #4: Shred first, then booze.  Anyone caught racing with a Blood Alcohol level above .27 will be fed to the Tyrannosaurus Rexes.  Plural.  Rexes.

Which, as water in a river, or pee in a costume, or any one thing which naturally brings you to another thing, brings me to Veteran Piece of Advice #5: Stay the night.  It's like Prom.  There's free camping, and plenty of cops on Earlysville road who will ruin your night far worse than Gordon Wadsworth's frenetic energy possibly ever could.  So just be tolerant.  Sip your cocktail, nod here and there, and allow him to vomit enthusiasm right into your very soul.  You will emerge, wet, but a better person.

That's all I have for you, people.
Sign up, dress up, and show up, up, up.

And don't forget to get down a little.

Until next week...I remain.

- The Haunted Head